I’ts safe to say I would rather get a tooth filled or maybe go through labor again rather than shop for an outfit for the office Christmas party. I consider bathing suit shopping in February worse, but these types of shopping expeditions all come under the self-flagellation umbrella. It can be quite a humbling experience–you can’t hide much in front of a four-way mirror.  Usually I wait till the day of the party and run the gamut at the mall. It always ends up costing more– because I’m desperate. I’ve also had to make  some crazy promises to our tailor too.  This year, however, I decided to be proactive. I started three days before the party.

I’m not really a good cloths shopper for myself.  I usually shop at little stores; see an outfit on the mannequin and take it all — including the necklace. Last year I shopped at J. Crew. This year, in my quest for a dressy pair of yoga pants, I’m at J. Jill.  They have only one thing in common — the J.  FYI– J. Jill does not have yoga pants with sequins. Starting to sweat, I high tailed it over to Macy’s.

I managed to find a few dresses.  I wasn’t sure of the size.  Should I start with eights, feel like a fat loser right off the bat and move up to the ten; or start with the twelve and be giddy about going to the ten.  I took tens and twelves.  No sense wanting to commit suicide   with the first dress.  Did I mention polyester has made a comeback.  It’s nice and thick and stretchy.  If draped “artfully”, it hides a multitude of rolls. Usually I would have a better chance at being struck by lightning or winning lotto than I would have finding a dress in under an hour. I found three possibilities.  I decided to bring them home for inspection.  I modeled them for my daughter promising her I would wear control top tights before I sashayed  out of the bathroom.  We had a winner –she added a disclaimer — no underwear!

I may suffocate, but  tonight thanks to the miracle of polyester and lycra I believe I can make a ten look like an eight.